


Ain't We Got Fun

by MadameHardy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Epistolary, Gen, New York, Prohibition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:56:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3944437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameHardy/pseuds/MadameHardy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1924; the city cousins, Rose and Dave, and the country cousins, Jade and John, keep in touch with the U.S. mail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't We Got Fun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HorribleThing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorribleThing/gifts).



Miss Rose Lalonde  
The Dakota, Penthouse C

March 18th, 1924

Dearest Jade,  
I trust this finds you, and John of course, in your usual frighteningly robust health. I also trust that you are exercising some care in just how you make use of that health. "Trust" is in fact putting it strongly; "pray" might be nearer the mark.

All is well here, or at least no worse than usual. Mother goes out for "tea" frequently and has to be ladled into a cab to get home. She knows the password for every "tea" house in Manhattan. Ah, well. Enough said.

Speaking of tea, I had actual tea -- Russian, very good -- with Miss Millay, who is a Lucy Stoner and eschews all marital titles. She had quite a lot to say about the state of poetry, and of course also gave voice to her usual advanced opinions. I must admit I did not pay quite as much attention to her opinions as to her remarkable lips; I shall have to make discreet enquiries about her brand of rouge, which appears to be impervious to smudges. We have agreed to meet next week to admire the calla lilies in the Botanical Garden Conservatory. 

You -- and John, of course -- must come and visit us in the city. I can take you to my favorite barber, modernize that ebon mop of yours, and then we can have a night on the town, "tea" optional.

Yours ever,  
Rose

P.S. Dave sends his love, or would if he knew I were writing, or would at least contemplate it -- you well know his laconic ways. He does nonetheless miss you; I can tell by the quirk in the lefthand corner of his mouth. I sometimes think there are not just epigrams but complete epics in the corner of that mouth, could one but decipher the language in full.

Miss Jade Harley  
Massena, New York

March 22nd, 1924

Dear Rose,

You're being silly again! You know perfectly well that when I saw the Castles on tour in 1916, I got very excited and cut my own bangs, and then they curled up like cast-iron bedsprings. That taught me a lifelong lesson, and I'm never bobbing again. I'm just going to keep being myself, and if people see long hair and think "Mary Pickford" they're going to be very very surprised, that's all I can say. Probably shocked! I'm glad you're unshockable, it saves so much time and effort!!!

John has a flivver, I think I might have told you? His dad got it in a trade, but then it turned out Uncle walked everywhere anyway, and then John started practicing automobilism out on the old Post Road, and well, you know John. So now he flies everywhere in a cloud of dust, and he spends as much time fixing it up as he does driving, and it's still safer than letting John anywhere near a horse. The horses think so, too! John makes up reasons he has to go for a drive right now -- I think he's run errands for every old lady in the village!! It's lucky he loses interest so fast or he'd probably start running a delivery service or something!

Calla lilies are not worth visiting in my opinion (boring!), but the dahlia tubers you sent me definitely aren't boring at all! Thank you so very much! When they come up I think I will try breeding them to create even better and bigger and brighter flowers. There's still lots of room in the greenhouse!

I'm glad you're having a wonderful time in the city!!! You were made for New York City, or it was made for you, or maybe both. Keep telling me about your adventures, because it's a life I would never want but it's perfect for you. Anyway, love from me and Beck and of course John. I would add Grandpa and Uncle, but both of them write their own letters.

Lots and lots of love,  
Jade

Miss Rose Lalonde  
The Dakota, Penthouse C

March 26th, 1924

Dear Jade,

The thought of John "flying everywhere" fills me with alarm. I am quite confident that it fills the local cats, dogs, chickens, and constabulary with even more alarm. Do let me know when he crashes so that I have time to compose an appropriate bouquet. I'm sure there's something in the Language of Flowers that corresponds to "You are an idiot, this was bound to happen, but I love you nonetheless, more than the bonds of family strictly require." I may have to purchase an encyclopedic edition.

Do you remember how excited I was about women getting the vote? I envisioned a future in which the wisdom and inherent calm of womanhood would guide the nation to a better and higher-minded future. You pointed out then that perhaps I was overestimating our sex, and indeed so it has proven. When I contemplate my fair city's current government, comprising Tammany bosses, their minions, and simple mediocrities, I can only believe that the influence of husbands and fathers outweighs any inherent serenity and wisdom our sex may actually possess. 

Speaking of which, Mother's enthusiasm for "tea" continues apace. We now have a cellar full of the finest "tea" and Mother has been telling me about the ease with which one might make wine from compressed bricks of raisins. I have been reminding Mother of the ease with which one might wind up spending six months in Sing Sing, but she responded, quite accurately, that the Volstead Act only prohibits selling alcohol, not buying or possessing it. Thus Mother is indubitably -- not to say exuberantly -- aiding and abetting crime, but is not technically committing it. Such are the vagaries of our legislature.

Love,  
Rose

Miss Jade Harley  
Massena, New York

April 2nd, 1924 

Rose darling,

I'm afraid Grandpa is writing your mother one of his stern fatherly messages. I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how he gets!! You can't see it, but I'm wearing the Visage of Impending Tragedy Miss Paint taught us in school! It's a very effective visage, but I usually save it for when I have to tell Uncle that I was practicing the Black Bottom in the kitchen when he had an angel food cake in the oven.

Anyway, John has decided that he is going to write a travel book !?!?!?! and is driving all over the place, mostly over the border up North. Something about the fresh clean air of the pine woods and the excitement of Montreal and whatever? He's worn out lots of tires -- thank Heaven for the Sears, Roebuck catalog! And he's replaced the leaf springs twice, to cope with the Roosevelt Highway he says. I'm not really sure what made that goof suddenly decide to be a writer, but he's happy as a hoot owl, and I think that's what counts!!

I hope the Impending Tragedy isn't as impending as all that.

Love and worries,  
Jade

Miss Rose Lalonde  
The Dakota, Penthouse C

April 8th, 1924

Dear Jade,

Thank you for the warning; alas, the contents of Grandfather's letter were just as you had feared. I say "alas" advisedly: although the letter had no effect at all on Mother, Grandfather enclosed a note to me demanding that I "comport myself like a young lady in spite of all outside influences". I should say that Mother is rather more frequently inside than outside, but I'm sure Grandfather thought he was being tactful.

He also included a cheque and an admonition to "buy myself something pretty". Fortunately, much of the contents of Scribner's is very pretty indeed; some of Mr. Crowley's works, albeit controversial, are quite exquisitely bound.

Love,  
Rose

P.S. Just as I was about to seal this, Dave walked in. He demanded that I remind you that he's 132 days older than John and that he therefore possesses the authority to tell both of you to "behave". I pass this on without comment. He joins me in wishing the two of you -- and Beck, if absolutely necessary -- would come and shed the gladsome beams of your presence on us.

Miss Jade Harley  
Massena, New York

April 13th, 1924  
Dear Rose,

John will write his own thank-you SOMEDAY, if I have to maroon him on Mars with just a fountain pen and a sandwich till he finishes it! Anyway, he got a big dopey grin when he opened your package and discovered all the spare parts for the flivver! He did grumble a bit at the speedometer, but he knew it was a joke, or he said he knew it was a joke, and then he added if you thought he drives too fast you have another think coming!

Thank you so much for the hybrid musk rose bushes! This was the best John's birthday ever for me. You didn't have to send me presents, but it was amazingly lovely of you. You've always been my favorite cousin for free, no sweeteners needed! Dave is a fusspot, and I'm two days older anyway so that makes me his senior and you can tell him I said so! I miss the two of you so much, so much, and we've got to get together soon. Anyway Beck is a farm dog and likes it that way, so he sends his love and a few extra white hairs for your black stockings. 

Love always,  
Jade

John Egbert  
Massena, New York

April 23nd, 1924

Dear Cousin Rose,

What a swell cousin you are. I always did think you were the octopus's undies, but I didn't know you had second sight! The Number One bearing burned out only a week after I got your package. Thanks to your fore thought I swapped in a fresh one and she's ticking like a Swiss watch again! Jade and I do miss you a lot. You should come up to the family home stead and I'll show off her tricks! The flivver's, I mean, not Jade's.

Tell Dave I've sent him, well, actually the two of you, a small something. There's a crate for you on the milk train. Dave needs to pick it up in person, in an auto if he's finally gotten one (ha-ha! Too late, I beat him to it!) and otherwise in a cab. Don't send it by horse cart, they're really care less and might drop it.

Your friend for ever,  
John

 

fencers club  
new york city  
may 1 1924

jade

this is a bum typewriter and half the keys dont work this letter will therefore resemble a missive from a certain cockroach 

what the hell is john doing question mark  dont get me wrong i appreciate the booze which tastes like it might actually have been within expectoration distance of scotland at one point in its existence  my cocktail soirees are the hit of the social circle and even rose has been known to imbibe an old-fashioned tea a locution which is losing its hilarity rapidly with repetition

tell john automobiles are overrated and only of interest to country cousins emphasis on the country

anyway we both know that johns enthusiasms get away with him not that yours dont but generally yours dont wind up in two broken legs and a significant dent in the horse trough i think we both remember that certainly his dad does keep an eye on him please youre my favorite relatives and id hate to be visiting you in the hoosegow

dont wind up in the hoosegow jade i hear they dont let you bring shaggy canines

toujours gai kid toujours gai

dave

Miss Jade Harley  
Massena, New York

May 6th, 1924

Dear Dave,

You are the silliest person I know! Also you are not Grandpa, not my guardian, and if I wanted to go to jail which I don't, I'd do it and you couldn't stop me! Anyway we don't actually have a hoosegow nearby, so if I got pinched the constable would probably just yell at me and tell Grandpa which is quite bad enough!

Speaking of Grandpa, I FINALLY got him to let me go along on one of John's adventures! Tomorrow we're going to go pick up something from a friend just over the border, leaving early in the morning and coming back by moonlight. Thank Betsy Grandpa's not insisting on a chaperone; unlike some people he is not a stuffed shirt! Anyway, think of me, and hope the flivver doesn't break down more than once!

Love,  
Jade

P.S. Remember I'm two, or three depending on how you count it, days older. That makes me three days wiser, so don't be a killjoy!

 

AIR MAIL  
Miss Jade Harley  
Massena, New York

May 8th, 1924

Dear Rose,  
Can John and I come visit? It's kind of urgent! I think he picked up one too many packages.  
Jade

34BV A 10  
901A EST MAY 9 24  
JADE HARLEY  
MASSENA NY  
FIVE THIRTY TRAIN MEET UNDER CLOCK STOP TELL JOHN STOP IMMEDIATELY STOP  
ROSE LALONDE =

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:  
> Thanks to Phrenotobe for insightful and speedy beta.
> 
>   * A "flivver" is a Model T Ford. The finest essay ever written about a car is [E.B. White's "Farewell, My Lovely"](http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1936/05/16/farewell-my-lovely). 
>   * If you aren't familiar with archy the cockroach, [start here](http://donmarquis.com/the-song-of-mehitabel). Have fun! Although the collection _archy and mehitabel_ was published in 1927, it was a compilation of earlier work; Don Marquis had begun writing about archy in his column "The Sun Dial" in 1916. 
>   * I couldn't fit it into this fic, but ["Breezin' Along With The Breeze"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjuC2URiaic) is a great song. 
> 



End file.
